Ian Somerhalder attends the 2014 Young Hollywood Awards.
OK but no, this actually makes me FURIOUS.
Because here’s the thing about socially sanctioned, fucked-up standards of female beauty: they train you from minute one to have shitty self perception, forever and ever, amen. I mean, this is literally where eating disorders come from, when you look in the mirror and still think you need to lose weight, even if your body is actually eating itself in a frantic bid to stay alive, and all because those size 0 jeans don’t fit yet. Their entire point is that women can’t win, and while fitting the very narrow parameters, or even some of the parameters, that our culture considers ideal might afford you certain privileges in terms of the clothes you can buy and the way certain people treat you, that doesn’t magically make you immune from insecurity, or self-hatred, or depression, or anything.
Here is the logic of patriarchy: only vain girls think they’re pretty; being vain is bad, and you’re not vain, so therefore, you can’t be pretty, either. Someone else is thinner than you; therefore, you can’t really be thin. Conventionally pretty girls are vapid whores, and you’re not a vapid whore; therefore, you’re not conventionally pretty, either, and any girl who is must be treated with utmost suspicion.
Here is what happens when guys pay you attention as a teenage girl: sometimes, it’s creepy or unwanted or inappropriate or just not from anyone you’re interested in, and you’re still insecure as fuck; therefore, you feel unattractive. Or else, guys pay you attention, but you don’t feel like you’re allowed to acknowledge or enjoy it, even just at the level of a compliment, because that would make you a tease or a slut or an attention-whore, so you pretend it isn’t happening. Or maybe you’re gay or bi, and it doesn’t matter shit if guys are trailing around after you, because really you’ve got a crush on that redhead girl in your maths class and have absolutely zero idea about how to approach her. Or maybe you’re ace, and nobody who’s ever asked you out has understood what that means, and everyone you tell keeps making you feel like a freak for not being what they expect.
Here is what this comic says to me: that conventionally pretty girls who express insecurity about their appearance are infuriating and awful, because that insecurity cannot possibly be genuine, and is therefore only ever deployed as a way of fishing for compliments. Or else it’s because they know they’re beautiful, but also know they’re not allowed to act as if they believe it, and so just pretend to feel ugly as part of the social contract, which makes them fakers and liars. But either way, you’re totally justified in resenting them rather than offering friendship and positive reinforcement, because you’re not like other girls, are you! No, you’re special; you don’t go around being all boring and pretty while coding your speech in such a way as to potentially invite compliments. Only attention whores want compliments, after all, and you’re not an attention whore, so you don’t complain about your weight or your diet or your wardrobe issues or anything else that women are conventionally seen to be fixated with (even if you actually think about these things a lot), because then you’d be one of those women, and thus The Actual Worst.
Which doesn’t mean it’s never frustrating if someone you consider to be conventionally attractive complains to you about how ugly or gross they feel, when you just can’t see what the problem is. After all, if you think they’re obviously way more gorgeous than you, and they’re calling themselves ugly, then what does that say about how you look to them? But, here, listen: Imma let you in on a little secret. The thing about insecurity and shitty, socially-conditioned self perception is, it’s utterly biased in favour of The Standards By Which I Judge Myself Are Different To The Standards By Which I Judge Other People. You can be a size eight and lamenting your lack of a thigh gap - which, by the way, don’t, because having one is actually dependent on the shape of your pelvic bone, and you can seriously hurt yourself trying to get one otherwise - and still think your curvy, size fourteen friend is beautiful, because you’re not judging her the way you judge yourself. You see your friends from the outside and know exactly why they’re worthy of love, but being inside your head, feeling freakish and uncertain and awful, it is so much harder to understand that you’re worthy, too.
Yes, there are girls who fish for compliments by lamenting the lack positive of attributes they feel themselves to have, but do you know why this happens? Because fucking sexism tells us we’re not allowed to call ourselves beautiful; that beauty is the highest ideal we can ever hope to aspire to, but that it doesn’t matter for shit unless other people - and especially men - tell us we’ve succeeded. Of course some conventionally beautiful women fish for compliments; that is literally the way they’ve been trained to believe the system works. And of course some people - and not just women! - sometimes complain about their imaginary defects as a subtle way of disparaging others: because some people are fucking assholes, is why, and assholes will always try to manipulate the insecurities of others. But this is not a goddamn gender-specific trait, and acting like this is what women are always doing when they vocalise insecurities is counterfuckingproductive on a massive scale, and just: no. NO. THE NOPETOPUS RIDES AGAIN.
tl;dr: WOMEN ARE TRAINED TO BE INSECURE ABOUT THEIR LOOKS REGARDLESS OF HOW WE *ACTUALLY LOOK*, SUCH THAT PORTRAYING THIS AS A VALID REASON FOR RESENTING CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE GIRLS WHO ARE STILL INSECURE AND/OR ENCOURAGING WOMEN TO RESENT THE INSECURITIES OF THEIR FRIENDS IS LEGITIMATELY PART OF THE SAME DAMN PROBLEM, SO -
THANK YOU. I was so incandescently angry when this crossed my dash, but too exhausted to explain why.
I would add to your good thoughts that you don’t even have to be a conventionally pretty OR thin girl for other girls to resent you (due to patriarchy). You can struggle with your weight WITHOUT HAVING AN EATING DISORDER and still be ostracised for talking about it - even amongst people who are the same size as you - if your mates perceive you as thinner because the patriarchy has made them perceive themselves as fat. It is TOXIC.
I have been treated like dirt BOTH by people who thought I was fat AND by people who thought I was a shallow vapid insensitive douchebag for mentioning my struggles with weight AT THE SAME FUCKING TIME.
The worst thing you can do is direct your vitriol at another woman for talking about her weight because of your perception of your relative weight in comparison to hers. It is so hurtful and unfair. Just don’t. STOP.
Reapted after me: my weight is NOT ABOUT YOU and YOUR WEIGHT is NOT ABOUT ME.
50 Shades of Grey was originally fanfiction based on the Twilight series, which was then published as a novel (along with 2 subsequent books). It sold over 100 million copies around the world and topped best-seller lists everywhere. It’s about to be adapted into a film, set to come out early next year.
It follows a college student named Ana Steele, who enters a relationship with a man named Christian Grey and is then introduced to a bastardised and abusive parody of BDSM culture.
While the book is paraded as erotica, the relationship between Ana and Christian is far from healthy. The core mantra of the BDSM community is “safe, sane and consensual”, and 50 Shades is anything but. None of the rules of BDSM practices (which are put in place to protect those involved) are actually upheld. Christian is controlling, manipulative, abusive, takes complete advantage of Ana, ignores safe-words, ignores consent, keeps her uneducated about the sexual practices they’re taking part in, and a multitude of other terrible things. Their relationship is completely sickening and unhealthy.
Basically, “the book is a glaring glamorisation of violence against women,” as Amy Bonomi so perfectly put it.
It’s terrible enough that a book like this has been absorbed by people worldwide. Now, we have a film that is expected to be a huge box-office success, and will likely convince countless more young women that it’s okay not to have any autonomy in a relationship, that a man is allowed to control them entirely. It will also show many young men that women are theirs to play with and dominate, thus contributing to antiquated patriarchal values and rape culture.
Hey guys send me an ask off anon with your Game Center name if you want anything gifted. Price doesn’t matter. I’ll send anything!
*:･ﾟ✧Lovely but Lonely*:･ﾟ✧
"But now days go by
And I never needed you
We were just wasting time…”
you ever notice how in women’s razor commercials the models’ legs are already completely hairless before they “shave” them
like we can’t even handle showing body hair in a commercial about how to get rid of body hair
The first time i saw this vine, i laughed so hard.
YESSS MY FAVORITE!!!!
I ALMOST SHOVED MY COMPUTER OFF MY DESK OH GODremember this omg
Was mobile blogging and accidentally unfollowed friend ((((fuk))))
Reblog if this is a lie and you have made amazing friends on the internet.
sex tip!! when he puts it in, yell ‘what are u doing in my swamp’